I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
