a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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