Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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