i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize