Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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