Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
