Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
