I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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