saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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