why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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