So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
