Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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