I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
