if i can run in heels then i can drive
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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