I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You can't special order awesome
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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