mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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