Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
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if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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