We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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