Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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