Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize