Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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