Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
