Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
