Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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