Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
