please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Randomize
