i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have fence marks all over my body
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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