The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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