Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
