zippers are such a cool invention
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
