I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
