If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i now understand why vodka
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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