Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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