idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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