I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
