im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
