after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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