I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
