If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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