It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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