I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
