He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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