This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
