I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
