he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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