Don't make out with my wife yet
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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