I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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