we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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