so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My feet surprised me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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