he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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