You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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