The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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