i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
