I love black thongs
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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