She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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