dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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