what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
