"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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